The Timechanges Blogger

These are the times when your life is changing and you need special thoughts from a friend, and that friend is Neal Anderson, a fellow who knows a thing or two about the Timechanges!!!

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I am a personal Timechanges consultant and also, I am a writer!!!!

Monday, April 18, 2005

Drew Berrymore!


drew_berrymore from internet
Originally uploaded by farley bottomsworth.
This one is about Drew Berrymore and how she is/has a beautiful spirit. Also, she is in a new movie, The Fever Pitch! Swing and a homer, this one is in the league of the World Series. Have you guessed it is about baseball and the people who love it and the people who love these people? Baseball is a unique game. It is an American pastoral. There is nothing like it. Nobody knows this better than the fellow in this movie, who I don’t know. I don’t know this one. He is a funny one? At the end of this movie something happens (I don’t know) but everybody is happy and running around on a field and kissing, and that is my kind of good time. But this web blogger is not about movies. If you want to read about movies I am the writer for a weirdo web blogger called Screen Test and you can you read all about them here. Here is where I write about the timechanges.

Drew Berrymore is/has a beautiful spirit. I saw her on TV and she was all like “Butterflies are beautiful!” (yes!) and “Togetherness is amazing!” (YES!) and “Dr. Phil you are telling me it like it is!” (Yes! He is a doctor!). Seeing Drew Berrymore say all these things made me think it is no joke – this is a lady who is all about timechanges.

Once long ago, she did the finger with E.T. and filled her body up with a lot of booze and such. Cocaine! She was just a little one. She was raised by wealthy folks who encouraged her bad behaviour. In fact, they were, I believe, royalty. She is a Hollywood princess? (CONGRATULATIONS CHARLES AND CAMILLA, even though she is NOWHERE NEAR AS GOOD as THE OTHER ONE) Times have now changed and Drew Berrymore has had her fair share of timechanges. Now she is 30 (!) and has found love with a rock and roller, a nice one. I have seen it in the magazines. Also, she loves animals. Also, what is it about her that she can always be so sunny and full of sunshine?

Drew Berrymore is, I believe, a sunny survivor who has used timechanges to help her get through her life and her troubles, and is all like “la la la” with her animals and such. I wish that I could be sitting next to her on Dr. Phil Show and we would hold hands – not me and Dr. Phil, me and Drew Berrymore haha! While we were holding hands we would tell the world “You can do this! You can have timechanges and understand that togetherness is amazing!” Then maybe Dr. Phil would see that we really loved each other (Me and Drew Berrymore and not me and himself, the Dr.) and he would expose the rock and roller as a drug addict and this would allow Drew Berrymore and myself to wed. If I were to wed Drew Berrymore, she would tell me all the top secret info on the sequel to E.T. which I KNOW THEY ARE MAKING AND WHICH WILL SOON BE REVEALED TO US, SOONER THAN WE THINK. I know this much about this sequel – there will be a wedding for the boy Elliot, and there will be a special guest at the wedding. Can you guess who? (It will be E.T.)

Have you noticed I am talking a lot about weddings? This is a coincidence, but also, it is, I believe, Springtime. So to all those people, be they white or jewish or what-have-you, Chinese, the ones getting married, I say: Mazeltov!

Yours Truly,Neal Anderson

P.S. My friend Gary (a DJ) just told me Drew Berrymore used to be a porno girl! IS THIS TRUE!? Why would she do it!!!???? Gar said that late one night she showed her feminity to an old man on TV, the one with the weirdo teeth, and then she went off to do pornos and drugs, and I’ll bet this is where she met the rock and roller. Now I am thinking that she is not the spirit of timechanges that I thought she was, because it is all fine and good but what if we were married and she was still making these pornos in secret and I accidentally watched them in our Tv room, and it was all like I don’t know who put it in there I believe it is a real bad one.

P.P.S. What is the Charlie’s Angels? Are there three of them in this?

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

The Truth About Smoking and Pope Dies!

Hi I am back, and I believe, I am better than ever. Wow, whatta week! This week I went through many timechanges and, also, I saw a friend who was going some important timechanges of his own, and also, I believe, the world was going through its own timechanges.

Number One: My Own Timechanges. As many of you know, I was really excited last week, and the reason why? Haha, you know, it was because I started my own blogger. I got blogged! This was my most exciting timechange for a while. The most exciting part was, I believed, that I would get to meet some interesting new virtual people and discuss virtual events in the world, and discuss our timechanges and also everybody would be all like "oh ho ho Neal, you are the best. Even though you speak about timechanges I wish that you would never change" and also maybe Miss Sandra Bullock would visit the site and how amazing would that be?

But do you know what? I didn’t talk to anybody!!! Not one virtual person!!! So I was like, “ARRAAGARRAGHHHA! Don’t make me do that! NOOOOOOOO!” and the other things one hears when the nasties come in and you are all like shrugging your shoulders and not knowing if you should take their advice or not. But then I did my yoga and reconsidered and guess what? I had a timechange. I realized that it is okay if I was not a big star like Terry Hatcher or Michael Bubley (the new album is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) - it is okay to just be me!!! Neal!!!! I can just blog myself and it is okay!!!!

Now I will tell you a story that will make you be like, okay, now I get it. I get timechanges. My friend Gary who is a DJ quit smoking. Thank goodness! It was about time Gar!!!!! I have been saying to Gary for years not to do it but he always did it. It was like he was an addict!!!! Smoking is really the squarest. I have heard that if you were to blow smoke at a baby’s face the baby would be all high and weird for the rest of his life. Also, smoking kills more people than all other causes of death combined. IT IS WRONG!!! When Gary told me he had quit smoking I said to him – “Gary, these are your timechanges!!! You are making changes in your life, over time, and over time, I believe, you will see how your life is better because of them.” A lot of people think smoking makes them look cool, but I think it makes them look like stuck-up movie stars, or rock stars, or Batman. When people are smoking they are like, I am so amazing, and if you ask them for a cigarette, they will be all like, no, these are for the cool ones, and you will be like “the joke is on you, because I am too busy jogging and whatnot to be smoking with you, or to be having the sexy business with you and your sickly sweet smoker breath.” Case closed. Way to go Gar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now for the sad news. Look up and you will see a sky swathed in purple haze. Listen to what the people are saying and singing: The pope is dead! He has passed on to the next and higher realm. He was a pope unlike any other, a father to many children filled with grandfatherly smiles and a jar full of candy but also, I believe, a pretty cool guy who liked to shoot at the pool with rock n’ rollers like Bono and April Lavine. One time, I believe, the Pope was in a fight with the bald Australian girl and but he would not lay his hands upon her because a pope knows better than anyone you do not touch a lady. Do you remember that movie about the Crocodile Man, the one where he says “Look at me knife! It’s not a knife!” That is what this baldie was like, a real loon.

So long, Pope, I will be missing you, but I also think that everybody – all of us! – should make room at the dinner table for the new Pope when he is elected and not be all like “the old Pope was better!” Give this new guy (or girl!) a chance!!!!! Maybe he (or she!!!!) will be just as cool as the last one. As the case may be, the world is having timechanges. Amen.

Also, I just saw After the Sunset!!! (WEBMASTERS! PUT LINK TO AFTER THE SUNSET MOVIE HERE PLEASE!) What a funny one! This is a very different kind of movie, and I think a lot of different kinds of people would enjoy it, like Irish, Mexicans, the gays, and normal people too. James Bond is a robber (!!!) with a mooey pesos Mexica who is his FIANCEE!!!! (A la The Bachelor!!!!) And the smarty pants from Cheers is his friend. And they are having a tropical ola-day when old man Crime comes knocking but do you know what?? They do not let him in. This is an excellent moral lesson. I do not know why in parts they made the Mexica in the bathing suits and the water she was all rub-a-bub-bub and the hot in the sun with the water and the what now. She is a good one. I will go to Mexico.

Yours Truly, Neal Anderson