The Timechanges Blogger

These are the times when your life is changing and you need special thoughts from a friend, and that friend is Neal Anderson, a fellow who knows a thing or two about the Timechanges!!!

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I am a personal Timechanges consultant and also, I am a writer!!!!

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

The Truth About Smoking and Pope Dies!

Hi I am back, and I believe, I am better than ever. Wow, whatta week! This week I went through many timechanges and, also, I saw a friend who was going some important timechanges of his own, and also, I believe, the world was going through its own timechanges.

Number One: My Own Timechanges. As many of you know, I was really excited last week, and the reason why? Haha, you know, it was because I started my own blogger. I got blogged! This was my most exciting timechange for a while. The most exciting part was, I believed, that I would get to meet some interesting new virtual people and discuss virtual events in the world, and discuss our timechanges and also everybody would be all like "oh ho ho Neal, you are the best. Even though you speak about timechanges I wish that you would never change" and also maybe Miss Sandra Bullock would visit the site and how amazing would that be?

But do you know what? I didn’t talk to anybody!!! Not one virtual person!!! So I was like, “ARRAAGARRAGHHHA! Don’t make me do that! NOOOOOOOO!” and the other things one hears when the nasties come in and you are all like shrugging your shoulders and not knowing if you should take their advice or not. But then I did my yoga and reconsidered and guess what? I had a timechange. I realized that it is okay if I was not a big star like Terry Hatcher or Michael Bubley (the new album is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) - it is okay to just be me!!! Neal!!!! I can just blog myself and it is okay!!!!

Now I will tell you a story that will make you be like, okay, now I get it. I get timechanges. My friend Gary who is a DJ quit smoking. Thank goodness! It was about time Gar!!!!! I have been saying to Gary for years not to do it but he always did it. It was like he was an addict!!!! Smoking is really the squarest. I have heard that if you were to blow smoke at a baby’s face the baby would be all high and weird for the rest of his life. Also, smoking kills more people than all other causes of death combined. IT IS WRONG!!! When Gary told me he had quit smoking I said to him – “Gary, these are your timechanges!!! You are making changes in your life, over time, and over time, I believe, you will see how your life is better because of them.” A lot of people think smoking makes them look cool, but I think it makes them look like stuck-up movie stars, or rock stars, or Batman. When people are smoking they are like, I am so amazing, and if you ask them for a cigarette, they will be all like, no, these are for the cool ones, and you will be like “the joke is on you, because I am too busy jogging and whatnot to be smoking with you, or to be having the sexy business with you and your sickly sweet smoker breath.” Case closed. Way to go Gar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now for the sad news. Look up and you will see a sky swathed in purple haze. Listen to what the people are saying and singing: The pope is dead! He has passed on to the next and higher realm. He was a pope unlike any other, a father to many children filled with grandfatherly smiles and a jar full of candy but also, I believe, a pretty cool guy who liked to shoot at the pool with rock n’ rollers like Bono and April Lavine. One time, I believe, the Pope was in a fight with the bald Australian girl and but he would not lay his hands upon her because a pope knows better than anyone you do not touch a lady. Do you remember that movie about the Crocodile Man, the one where he says “Look at me knife! It’s not a knife!” That is what this baldie was like, a real loon.

So long, Pope, I will be missing you, but I also think that everybody – all of us! – should make room at the dinner table for the new Pope when he is elected and not be all like “the old Pope was better!” Give this new guy (or girl!) a chance!!!!! Maybe he (or she!!!!) will be just as cool as the last one. As the case may be, the world is having timechanges. Amen.

Also, I just saw After the Sunset!!! (WEBMASTERS! PUT LINK TO AFTER THE SUNSET MOVIE HERE PLEASE!) What a funny one! This is a very different kind of movie, and I think a lot of different kinds of people would enjoy it, like Irish, Mexicans, the gays, and normal people too. James Bond is a robber (!!!) with a mooey pesos Mexica who is his FIANCEE!!!! (A la The Bachelor!!!!) And the smarty pants from Cheers is his friend. And they are having a tropical ola-day when old man Crime comes knocking but do you know what?? They do not let him in. This is an excellent moral lesson. I do not know why in parts they made the Mexica in the bathing suits and the water she was all rub-a-bub-bub and the hot in the sun with the water and the what now. She is a good one. I will go to Mexico.

Yours Truly, Neal Anderson

3 Comments:

Blogger Mark Slutsky said...

I can feel my Timechanges starting already! Thanks Neal!!!

1:15 PM  
Anonymous pooballerina said...

this is my new total favourite internet place ever

thanks neal!!!

10:37 AM  
Blogger Mark Slutsky said...

Thanks Neal!!!

8:50 AM  

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